When I first met Makenzie, she was 9 years old playing Bet to my Nancy in Oliver! She had unreal talent and all the presence in the world even then, but life called her other places. I pursued acting heavily, and her life took her and her family on different routes all over the world. She has since done something arguably harder than continuing work in the arts as a mother – re-starting work in the arts as a mother. We remained close friends since our first show about two decades ago. She was even one of the bridesmaids at my wedding, and one day – not too long ago – in the midst of texting me pictures of her two beautiful daughters, she made a confession: she was diving back in. She had always loved acting, missed it more than ever, and wanted all the info available for breaking into the world she once called home. For many, pursuing a professional acting career is challenging enough when starting from scratch. Starting from scratch and breastfeeding is another beast all together.

The heartbeat of my passion is seeing and hearing moms empowered to do everything they want with the art they possess. Whether that means keeping it small or blowing the lid off. In a very short time, Makenzie fought the fatigue and doubt and worked her way to getting representation, multiple auditions, and booked her first short film – and she’s just getting started. She’s doing it. Her words of wisdom and empowerment as a working actress and young mom with two diapered babes are going to be part of my mantra as I keep moving forward as well.

Enjoy, mamas.

Name: Makenzie Hernandez 
Profession: Actor 
Status: 2 children ages 1 & 2

What surprised you about having a child and working your performing arts life:

When I decided that I wanted to begin my career as an actor I was a stay at home mom of a baby and a toddler. My family was on a somewhat consistent routine and my daughters and I spent all of our days together. I was nursing my youngest through the night and we were definitely used to a busy but predictable schedule. I knew that adding in “actor life” to the mix of “mommy life” was going to bring about definite changes; I just didn’t know what they would be. Honestly I think I underestimated what it takes to do both jobs with 100% effort and still I was nervous for how my husband and babes would adjust to this “new thing” that was making a grand, full-force, and quick entrance into our lives. Not only was I anxious for how they would adjust, but I was also wondering how on earth I thought I was going to be able to take another huge job on my plate. The life of a mom is about 20 hours a day, 7 days a week (if not more). Even though I knew that I was making the right jump by giving a career in this industry a try, I still found myself asking multiple times a day (mostly in the middle of a grocery store when whatever I just put in the cart was promptly thrown out by my toddler while my baby hysterically cried and pulled at my shirt for a nurse-on-the-go), if I was completely out of my mind for thinking I could do both. All that aside, I was determined in my heart to make it work without sacrificing home life or excellence in my craft. It’s a big dream and it’s an even larger work load to make it a reality, but as the auditions started to come in and especially once I started to get work I was blown away at how well everyone adjusted to these new time demands. I am learning that, yes, kids love routine, but they also have the immense ability to be flexible if you just do a little preparation. I also learned that I don’t feel any more drained emotionally despite the pressures and time constraints that I face now. Actually, I feel more energized than ever. This energy that is put into something I am so passionate about is providing such a creative outlet for me and as I grow in this area I am growing in others as well. I have joy in the relaxed moments and patience in the mundane moments like never before that equips me for the energy and focus I need for the fast-paced life I live outside of my home. It’s been so cool to see how things work out when you have personal passion, determination, and mega familial support. Anything is possible it seems.

What excited you about having a child and working your performing arts life:

 The thing that excited me and that I still love most about being an actor-mom is the example I get to set for my girls. I want them to grow up seeing that it is completely okay to go against the grain, be the odd one out, fit in, not fit in, be a stay at home mom, be a working mom, cook gourmet meals every night, or just not starve. There are so many pressures on women to be a certain type of person who is a master at a certain type of skills and doesn’t let anything come between her and the clean toilet at the end of the night. I desperately want my daughters to grow up feeling the freedom to pay absolutely no attention to those pressures whatsoever. It is a struggle for me to live a guilt-free life as a working mom, and it is something I want to fight against daily so that we can one day have a generation of Mommas free from the guilt of exploring their time-demanding passions. I want them to know that it is not only okay for them to be who they are, but that it is necessary for a fulfilling life. I want to make sure that I empower them, not only verbally, but also by example. 

What challenged you about having a child and working your performing arts life:

 There are plenty of challenges that come with this life but I think the majority of the challenges I face are totally self-inflicted. As I stated above, there is a guilt I face that I am not doing enough as a mom or not measuring up. There are expectations I put on myself that my schedule just doesn’t allow for me to meet. Those expectations are baseline for some moms I know and for me, at this point in my life, they are just unrealistic. Coming to terms and being at peace with that is still a challenge that I am working on. There is also the reality of less time spent with my kids than what I was used to before. Missing them when I travel or when I am not home for dinner and bedtime is rough, but it has encouraged me to make sure that the time we spend is quality and that makes all the difference.  

What you look forward to about having a child and working your performing arts life:

 I am excited to see where this journey takes our family. I am totally the kind of personality who wants to know every detail of every moment in order to prepare perfectly for whatever is to come. Being a mom and being an actor both go against all of those tendencies. Everything seems to be improvised and spontaneous. It is going to be a glorious life-long lesson in how to be flexible and available; how to let go of worry and hold on to trust. I think these are invaluable lessons and I am thankful that my life is providing so many opportunities to learn them. I love that the things I love most are challenging me and stretching me every day. It is making me strong in weaker areas and showing me new strengths I might have never known otherwise.

What you think people should know about having a child and working your performing arts life:

To every parent who has put performing arts life in a closet, on a shelf, or even buried it deep in the backyard of another person in a country far away due to fear like I had, I encourage you to go pick it up off that shelf, or out of that deep hole. Dust if off and welcome it back into your life, with all of the love, and conviction you once had, and with an open heart. Fear is not the voice you listen to. It wont be easy, surely. Most things worth your life aren’t easy. But it will be a labor of love that is full of life and joy, and it is most definitely worth it. You are worth it. In the end, your babes will thank you for choosing to thrive in this life so that they could know firsthand that it is possible to do much much more than just survive.

Makenzie Hernandez, Actor [Photo Cred: MaysPhotographers.com] [AuditioningMom.com]

Makenzie Hernandez, Actor [Photo Cred: Ann Oettel Photography] [AuditioningMom.com]

Makenzie Hernandez, Actor [AuditioningMom.com]

Makenzie Hernandez, Actor [AuditioningMom.com]

My Favorite Quotes:

“The thing that excited me and that I still love most about being an actor-mom is the example I get to set for my girls…I want to make sure that I empower them, not only verbally, but also by example.”

– Makenzie Hernandez

“To every parent who has put performing arts life in a closet, on a shelf, or even buried it deep in the backyard of another person in a country far away due to fear like I had, I encourage you to go pick it up off that shelf, or out of that deep hole…Fear is not the voice you listen to.”

– Makenzie Hernandez

Reject fear, embrace your passion, love your babies. We’re all fighting for the right to do exactly that. Hope you can shake off those external pressures too – so your energy can be spent loving who and what matters. More interviews to come, friends.

More profiles coming soon!

If you are or you know a performing artist professional and mom who wants to share thoughts, answer these questions and shoot them to me at this contact form!

And Other Childcare Solutions To Which I Have Not (Yet) Resorted

Part 1 of
Room for Motherhood in the Theatre Arts

In this three part series, I will be introducing obstacles facing motherhood in the arts and identify what I’ve gathered from over 30 testimonies, statements, and solutions from theatre artists and companies around the country in terms of how motherhood can not only be accommodated but work as an asset for the theatre community at large.

One item was so prevalent, it deserved its own piece – the issue of childcare. When we need it, who provides it, and what it costs us.

At this moment artists are fighting for a living wage for off-broadway contracts (#fairwageonstage). An incredibly important fight, but that fight is happening because the pay is already insufficient to support a single individual, much less someone who had the audacity to expand their life into a family. In short, childcare costs rarely – if ever – fit in the theatre artist’s budget because most often the budget barely pays the rent. Not much is left over after “tuna cans, crackers, umbrella” even if you sacrifice the umbrella purchase.

Even with a combined income, and 2 jobs myself, paying for sitters just to audition was and is a costly endeavor. I also travel out of the city, so my sitters watch our sweet biscuit on-site or take her for a beautiful stroll. To figure time to hand off baby, discuss any instructions, buffer for the sitter’s train to run late, prep time for the audition, wait time in the green room, few minutes buffer after my time not to feel rushed in the room, we’re looking at booking 1.5 hrs to 2, depending on the office’s likelihood of running overtime – with a base rate of $15/hr in NYC, that’s $30 per audition #mommath #mombudget #paytoplay. Talk about being selective about the work you can do – or even go for. Many off-broadway shows aren’t feasible for me – not only because the paycheck itself wouldn’t even cover childcare for rehearsal and performances, but because the money already starts stacking against me just in submitting for the job.

Social media is a common go-to for me when the sitter is needed LAST MINUTE, which often happens in the world of auditions – a typical urgent, next-day post and update from me usually looks something like this:

After about a year of posting, I learned that some older friends were mortified thinking Facebook functioned like craigslist, and I was picking up any stranger off the internet who replied OBO-style instead of a closed network of trusted individuals. After hearing rumors that a grandmother was about to move down to make sure no strangers off the street were watching her great-grand-baby or sister’s friends jaw-dropped and shuddered reading my request, I posted a disclaimer:

I’ve used every method to acquire sitters in order to make my audition appointments – family help, buying friends thank you lunches, hiring friends who are sitters, hiring new sitters, and even taking the baby into the audition with me when it all fell through (audition went great by the way) – about every method except the one mentioned in the title.

Before motherhood, I earned my primary income from being a part-time nanny and babysitter since the age of 15. By my third year post-grad school while in NY, working as a nanny and babysitter for working moms and dads or couples out on dates or errands was my full-time income provider. It was the most consistent income I made in the city – and I worked off-hours. I kept 9-5 free 4 days a week for auditions, and my evenings and weekends were packed full with well-paid hours of care.

My first job as a sitter on urbansitter.com came through someone I had worked with on a show, actually – and someone who would become a hero of sorts. A tony-nominated actress and single mother hired me to watch her middle-school aged son after school and in the evenings when she went from rehearsal to tech to performance schedule. Seeing her accomplish this feat made a huge impression on me. She was an amazing mother doing what it took to invest in her amazing gift and provide for her child. As one of our “What She Looks Like” artists Jill Harrison says, “it takes a village” – I was an asset to her, but she led the way doing what it took to afford it all.

My 4th year of work after grad school, I switched my profile on UrbanSitter from “available sitter” to “parent” and began to search myself for individuals like me with background checks, CPR certification, and a real care for kids. All this work goes on top of learning sides, planning travel, packing for myself and my kid for the day, emotional preparation, and getting the day jobs done that allow me to barely afford it – and that’s just to audition.

Each time an appointment comes in, not only do I check in with my passion and if I love the work, I check in with my budget and schedule and then factor in what childcare would then look like if I actually booked the job before saying “yes” to going in. All that work and investment for a 5-10 minute audition (2-3 minute for television) multiplies exponentially when it needs to be in place for a 3 month rehearsal + performance run at a 40hr minimum week. My recent theatre booking fortunately worked out to where family could visit and provide the childcare and support I needed to do the job. This option is not always available to me, however, and sometimes never available for great artists who deserve to be working but cannot because of the expense. An off-broadway contract can be as low as $566 per week. An experienced nanny starts at $500-700 per week (not including overtime for tech hours). The lower range may not get you someone with the references or experiences that make you comfortable, but hey – it will mean that you’re making a whopping $66 profit per week. Put that money toward your metro card alone, and you have $147 left for the MONTH. With off-broadway contracts, no housing is provided, so rent is on you. Your only option for buying groceries then is to sleep on the subway, and the lights keep your baby awake, so it doesn’t come recommended.

A second job on top of successfully booking a theatre job is what most actors have to resort to when working off-broadway in order to have somewhere to sleep and food to eat. Add an extra person to that, and you will either never see them or not provide for them. The cost, then, of working on some of the greatest theater that may benefit from artists who are mothers and their gifts is too high for these artists to participate. We are limiting our talent pool and excluding great artists when there is no support provided for the family artist. I’ve been able to continue to pursue my career and find booking success, but not without sacrifices, selectivity, and noticing these obstacles I tirelessly work around are also holding quite a few great people back from their deserved trajectory, marginalizing mothers who are artists, and sending the message that the theatre has no place for them. Everything I love and believe about the theatre is in direct opposition to holding people back, marginalizing groups of people, and saying “you don’t belong.”

So my question is:

How can the theater community provide support so that artists in the midst of motherhood don’t have to opt out simply because the childcare resources aren’t there?

Increasing pay for single individuals alone is already a struggle for many off-broadway and storefront companies, but that doesn’t mean families need to wait to expect initiatives for change or to hear a “yes” in regard to family-supportive measures. Numerous theatre moms wrote to me expressing gratitude when a theatre company provided support and accommodation in the form of housing, scheduling, or simply space to pump. These simpler steps to be supportive make a world of difference. My next piece highlights ways theatre companies have alienated their motherhood talent base and how their refusal to acknowledge or help the artist’s situation contradicts the “culture of yes” the craft claims to promote.

Coming Up Next:

Part II of Room for Motherhood in the Theatre Arts: “An Inconvenient Baby”

Followed by:

Part 3 of Room for Motherhood in the Theatre Arts: “Benefits and Advocates of Motherhood in the Theatre – Happening Now (and What That Looks Like)”

I won $300 worth in free theater tickets in Philadelphia one year!! It was awesome. Any theater lover working on an artist budget knows that a jackpot like that is a huge asset. Any mom paying for babysitting knows that cash-ticket can go even farther now. The big win happened at a fundraiser event for Directors Gathering, an organization that since 2011 has been creating space and initiative for theatre directors to gather and not only hone their craft through workshops and opportunities for risk, but also dialogue about how theater can be director-led and moved forward in their community.

At this fundraising event, founder Jill Harrison interacted seamlessly with the crowd buying raffle tickets and wings and feeding baby Stella while sharing a large laugh with one or two of the Directors Gathering members. Her passion for her work and for her child converged in one space, and with the support of husband and parents, seemed to enjoy the event quite a bit herself. I knew I had to grab her for this project – what was her experience and what has she been learning? She opens up below on the juxtaposition of the terror and joy of it all.

“As someone who has been a freelancer in the arts and most recently a founder of a non-profit start-up, I found myself questioning the ability to make ‘parenthood’ ‘work’. Something that I continue to be surprised (and elated) about is that it does indeed work.”

– Jill Harrison

Jill Harrison, DIRECTOR

Name: Jill Harrison

Profession: Theatre Director, Professor, and Founder/Executive Director of Directors Gathering

Status: One Child, Stella Dorene, Age 2

What surprised you: The extreme feelings of love, joy, terror, purpose, drive, exhaustion, power, loss, and completeness ALL AT THE SAME TIME. These feelings all still continue to happen, at the same time. Parenthood is not for the fainthearted and I continue to find myself surprised each and every day by how even when I am feeling all the extreme feelings I still somehow figure out how to embrace them and the reason for them, my daughter. Also, as someone who has been a freelancer in the arts and most recently a founder of a non-profit start-up, I found myself questioning the ability to make ‘parenthood’ ‘work’. Something that I continue to be surprised (and elated) about is that it does indeed work. In fact, motherhood, and my daughter, and my partner, makes everything else work, it is THE reason for all other work.

What excited you: Meeting and continuing to meet/discover my daughter and her little personhood. I have also adored sharing my work with her and her with my work.

What challenged you: The identity shift and lack of maternity leave. I did not have much time to suss out and fully take in postpartum life. I worked during my labor and two days after I got home from the hospital. I am still finding my way with balancing work and motherhood, trying to figure out how to sustain (even expand) a living in a freelance world while providing for and enriching my relationship with my daughter. My partner, and his unwavering dedication to me and our daughter, has been invaluable and a significant reason for how I/we’ve been able to sustain in my field. Our parents, family, and friends have also been incredible lifelines.

What you look forward to: Stella continuing to discover and embrace the world and what makes her tick. I adore watching her take in every moment and every being. She is a constant reminder of what really matters. Love, Laughter, Family, Friends, Hugs, Kisses, Waves, Running, Sitting, Good Food, Water, Sleep, Reading, Music, Marching, Dancing, Singing, and Snuggles.

What you think people should know: Motherhood in the theatre, especially in freelance theatre, is doable and worth it. It is also extremely hard. It requires a vast village and a great deal of humility. There seems to be no end to the request for help and deep, unending appreciation to those who help. It brings meaning and purpose to you and your work that is like none other. It is more important than anything you have created or will create.

Your favorite mommy-artist story: We call Stella our little Directors Gathering (DG) mascot. She has been a part of every aspect of the organization and a constant reminder of the purpose of the org —to be more and create more for others. Every time I waver on the purpose or possibility of the vitality of DG, I think of Stella and she reminds me, somehow, that “to gather” is the answer. I believe that I would not be where I am today with the org without her.

My Favorite Quotes:

“As someone who has been a freelancer in the arts and most recently a founder of a non-profit start-up, I found myself questioning the ability to make ‘parenthood’ ‘work’. Something that I continue to be surprised (and elated) about is that it does indeed work.”

– Jill Harrison, Director/Founder Directors Gathering

“Motherhood in the theatre, especially in freelance theatre, is doable and worth it. It is also extremely hard. It requires a vast village and a great deal of humility.”

– Jill Harrison, Director/Founder Directors Gathering

Anyone who’s started their own foundation or business knows it requires the full-time care, nurture, and blood sweat and tears of caring for a child – for Jill, she has been caring for both of these passions and has a love that expands to both of them. Far from reduced, she’s a perfect example of how the capability to care for your passion – child or foundation – makes you in fact expand. Keep expanding.

More profiles coming soon!

If you are or you know a performing artist professional and mom who wants to share thoughts, answer these questions and shoot them to me at this contact form!